Poking fun at salesmen

All day long I receive calls from solicitors trying to separate me from the meager profits the company has made that week.  I generally tell them that they’ve reached a dispatch line and there is no decision maker available with whom they can talk.  Occasionally I get bored and try and sell them a plumbing job.  

To a guy in New York I offered to fix his sink faucet for $125, but advised him that I’d have to charge him travel time at fifty cents a mile, which being 3000 miles away, would be 6000 miles @ .50, would total $3125.  

My favorite was when Yodel.com called and I asked the gentleman if he could yodel.  “No,” he said and so I asked him if he would like to hear me yodel.  “I don’t know,” he said, “I called to talk about advertising.”  “Well, if you’re going to call yourself ‘Yodel.com,” I said, “You should at least be willing to listen to me yodel.  So here it is,” I continued and then I yodeled for a few seconds.  “How was that?” I said to the dial tone when I was finished.  

A couple of weeks later another Yodel.com solicitor called and this time I was able to coax him into yodeling a couple of lines after I gave him some basic instructions.  “Geez, that was horrible,” I said, “I can’t buy anything from a Yodel rep that can’t yodel any better than that.”