Poking fun at salesmen

All day long I receive calls from solicitors trying to separate me from the meager profits the company has made that week.  I generally tell them that they’ve reached a dispatch line and there is no decision maker available with whom they can talk.  Occasionally I get bored and try and sell them a plumbing job.  

To a guy in New York I offered to fix his sink faucet for $125, but advised him that I’d have to charge him travel time at fifty cents a mile, which being 3000 miles away, would be 6000 miles @ .50, would total $3125.  

My favorite was when Yodel.com called and I asked the gentleman if he could yodel.  “No,” he said and so I asked him if he would like to hear me yodel.  “I don’t know,” he said, “I called to talk about advertising.”  “Well, if you’re going to call yourself ‘Yodel.com,” I said, “You should at least be willing to listen to me yodel.  So here it is,” I continued and then I yodeled for a few seconds.  “How was that?” I said to the dial tone when I was finished.  

A couple of weeks later another Yodel.com solicitor called and this time I was able to coax him into yodeling a couple of lines after I gave him some basic instructions.  “Geez, that was horrible,” I said, “I can’t buy anything from a Yodel rep that can’t yodel any better than that.”

More frightening than the dead

Lucky and his crew were installing a new sewer lateral for one of the local mortuaries.  He was down in the ditch when one of the morticians came out to see how they were doing.  Lucky engaged him in conversation and the mortician advised his of some of the issues he had been encountering with the sewer line they were replacing.  

Lucky segued to a story about how he once replaced a sump pump and a malfunction had literally showered him with the drain water that was in the sump.  


The mortician listened with horror and blurted out, “Jesus, Lucky, I couldn’t do what you guys do!”